So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
