You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
