if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
