I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
