her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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