wanna go halves on a baby?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
