this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just high enough for therapy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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