Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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