I looked at my own cervix.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
