just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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