butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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