I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
