no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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