I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
