You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
