im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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