And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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