What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
