we made out on top of his cat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
