You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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