Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
