dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
