marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Randomize
