i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who died my cat blue again?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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