I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This baby is an asshole
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
