I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
