I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
