Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
