his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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