Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
