apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
