who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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