A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
