I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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