Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
