Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
