doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
