Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
