This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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