I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
