I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
