Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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