What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
