Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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