So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
