You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
