I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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