i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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