I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
