Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
