hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
