sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
