i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize