I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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