My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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