and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
