some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
