forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
