I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
